


Clarity of Perception

by Shyaway95, teslatempest



Series: To Save the Things We Love [7]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Graphic-ish childbirth, Jiraiya is smart (but still flails a lot), Mpreg, Non-traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Shizune is awesome, Tsunade is trying, Working through depression and phobias, references to a past miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 17:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14383815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyaway95/pseuds/Shyaway95, https://archiveofourown.org/users/teslatempest/pseuds/teslatempest
Summary: Tsunade frowned as she read over it again. “Sensei says he’s got a really difficult, really confidential case that he’d like us to consult on, but he doesn’t want to send details.” Her eyes narrowed. “He’s requesting that you consult with him in person and that we can then discuss the details.”What was so sensitive that he couldn’t write it in a letter?





	Clarity of Perception

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much, for reading our stories. We know that we don’t respond to many comments, but we read all of them, over and over again, whenever we’re having a bad day. You guys have no idea how happy it makes us. 
> 
> Thank you again to our beta, dreamweaver11, whose work makes our fics so much better.
> 
> The warnings for this chapter: depression, PTSD, and references to a past miscarriage. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves, folks (we swear that someday we’ll write something that’s just fluff and happiness!).
> 
> -Shy & Tes

"Have you ever seen the dawn? Not a dawn groggy with lack of sleep or hectic with mindless obligations and you about to rush off on an early adventure or business, but full of deep silence and absolute clarity of perception? A dawning which you truly observe, degree by degree. It is the most amazing moment of birth. And more than anything it can spur you to action. Have a burning day.”  
**― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration**

**Four Years Ago**

 

Tsunade sighed as she finished her latest bottle of shochu. She debated ordering another one, but from the look Shizune was giving her, she decided it would be wiser to just go back to the room. She was already pleasantly buzzed, and she knew from experience that it would be enough to calm the storm of nightmares that plagued her every night, if only barely.

Sometimes, Tsunade felt disgusted with herself. The granddaughter of the God of Shinobi, the Slug Sannin, best medic of her generation; and here she was, getting drunk and gambling away her meager earnings.

_I trained Shizune, at least. And I can’t go back. Not ever._

Even the thought of returning to Konoha made her stomach twist. Blood and suffering and pain, that was all that awaited her if she returned to that golden cage of a Village. Despite Konoha’s reputation of being too soft and kind, Tsunade knew better. Konoha was a _shinobi_ Village, always had been and always would be, and there was very little room for weakness within its walls. There was no mercy or understanding to be found there, and if anyone tried to tell her differently, all she would have to do is point them at Hatake Sakumo’s grave and the condescension and derision his name still invoked. Besides, what use would she be to them? A shinobi who panicked at the sight of blood, who left nothing but death and devastation in her wake, crushing friend and foe alike with her very existence? It was better to stay distant and keep her curse well away from the Village.

“Tomorrow we can help with check-ups at one of the farms,” Shizune stated firmly as they stood.

Tsunade nodded, not bothering to reply. That had been Shizune’s doing -- Tsunade may not have been able to stand the sight of blood, but she could still maintain her other skills as a medic, checking for infections and bruises. It helped pay the bills and it kept her from feeling completely useless. Tsunade was continuously surprised that Shizune bothered to care about her shishou when the Sannin herself couldn’t actually give a damn.

She knew Shizune worried over her, so she looked over at her niece with a bright smile. “Ah, that’ll make tomorrow sweeter! You know my luck gets better after a job.”

“Shishou, your luck is always terrible.”

They continued to bicker all the way back to their room and Tsunade was almost feeling content, until she realized that there was a hawk perched imperiously on the windowsill.

Her heart began to pound erratically, and she forced herself to breathe through the sudden instinctive panic. The timing was unusual, but Sensei did send hawks periodically to check in with -- more like check up _on_ \-- the two of them.

After she had left, stealing away like a thief in the night, Sarutobi-sensei had searched for her relentlessly; he had appeared in a bar she had been in the process of drinking dry three months later. She had told him everything, why she couldn’t stay in the Village and why she wouldn’t go back no matter what he said. She’d kill herself first.

Sensei had looked at her with tired, sad eyes, and said that he understood. That he wouldn’t force her to come back to a place she hated. She had wanted to laugh in his face. He _understood?_ How could he possibly understand what she had gone through?

They had all experienced loss, that was true. Tsunade could still remember her Sensei’s face when he received the news of his eldest daughter’s death, and she knew that it had been a blow that had crippled him.

But how could the old man understand her pain from losing Dan, the love of her life, just after she had found out that she was pregnant? How could he understand just how much more crippling it was, to wake up in the middle of the night, writhing in pain and covered in blood, and realize that she had lost their child, too? She was a _medic_ , she was supposed to know how to fix things, but something broke in her that day that she could never, ever begin to fix. It couldn’t _be fixed_. The only thing she could do was run, and the only thing he could ask was that she stay in contact. That she occasionally be available for written consultations, and perhaps read the occasional paper. That she let him know she was still alive every once in a while.

Seeing how exhausted her Sensei had been, how he worried about her and Shizune being alone with no back-up, his pain after losing Orochimaru… how could she say no?

“What is the message?” Shizune asked as she brushed out her hair.

Tsunade frowned as she read over it again. “Sensei says he’s got a really difficult, really confidential case that he’d like us to consult on, but he doesn’t want to send details.” Her eyes narrowed. “He’s requesting that you consult with him in person and that we can then discuss the details.”

“Alright, I can leave tomorrow.”

Tsunade spun around. “You want to go?!”

Shizune shifted uncomfortably, not meeting Tsunade’s gaze. “I’d like to restock my senbon and certain medications. And I like talking to Sarutobi-sama.”

Tsunade closed her eyes, an old familiar pain clawing at her chest. What Shizune wasn’t saying was that she would also be able to visit the memorial to Dan -- something Tsunade had been unable to do since the funeral.

She wondered, sometimes, if Shizune hated her. For taking her away from her home and all connections to her family, for being a lush and a gambler, for being nothing but a broken wreck of a kunoichi now.

“Alright.” Tsunade took a deep breath, reminding herself once again that Shizune was a grown woman and a kunoichi in her own right, and that she would be safe. “We’ll go as far as Hot Springs together. We can be there by tomorrow night, and I’ll wait for you there.”

“Alright, Shishou.”

Even as they continued to talk and get ready for bed, Tsunade’s thoughts wandered. Sarutobi had written to her about strange illnesses, mutations, Clan health, and breakthroughs in medical technology without worry in the past.

What was so sensitive that he couldn’t write it in a letter?

~

“And then he said, ‘but then I’ll need the new pants!’”

Tsunade snorted as the bar broke down laughing. In a crowd of farmers, bathhouse attendants, and old shop owners, the bawdy tales were very popular. The old man who was telling the ridiculously salacious stories grinned before taking a long drink of his beer.

She wondered if this was what Jiraiya would grow into one day, then banished the thought.

The old man was already falling into the rhythm of his next story as the door swung open. Tsunade was automatically scanning for threats before she realized what she was doing, and she rolled her eyes at herself. What shinobi would patronize such a run-down, dilapidated establishment except one nearly as broken and useless as herself? She was pouring herself another cup of sake when she realized it was Shizune who had just stormed through the door.

Relief filled her at the sight of her apprentice, healthy and whole, before she caught sight of Shizune’s face.

Tightly controlled rage and fury. For someone who was usually the epitome of calm, something significant must have happened.

Tsunade smacked some ryo on the counter, barely taking the time to check that it was the right quantity, before walking to the door and grabbing her student’s arm. Shizune latched on to her sleeve as she towed her back to the room they had rented at the inn a week previously.

“What happened?” Tsunade crossed her arms. She loved Sarutobi, but if there wasn’t a very good reason Shizune was this angry, there would be words. Harsh words. And possibly a few broken walls.

Shizune exhaled slowly, through grit teeth. “It was Danzo. That… that shitheaded, slimy, goat-fucking bastard!” Her voice rose, and now Tsunade was genuinely worried, because Shizune never used language like that.

The younger woman took a couple of deep breaths, reigning in her temper. “The bastard wanted to create some illicit breeding program, to create a line of Uchihas who aren’t part of the Clan. So he abducted an Omega who had the chakra levels to support the Sharingan and had him impregnated against his will.” Shizune’s eyes continued to burn as her knuckles went white. “Hatake Kakashi. The one with the transplanted eye. He’s sixteen years old, Shishou, and that… that…” She trailed off, scarlet with fury.

Tsunade felt like she had swallowed magma. The anger hadn’t settled in yet, but she could feel it coming, like an out-of-control katon. “What does Sensei want from us?” she asked, her voice still calm and soft.

“Hatake decided to keep it.” Shizune’s eyes softened, a touch of grief and understanding came over her features as she looked at her shishou. “Apparently Danzo used Hatake’s teammate’s DNA, the Uchiha who died giving him the eye. To make sure Hatake wouldn’t… wouldn’t try to end things himself, is Sarutobi-sama’s best guess.”

_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!_

Tsunade drew in a slow breath again, trying to hold down the anger and panic just a little longer. Shizune continued. “He asked if we would be willing to provide medical care and deliver the baby. Right now Hatake is in a safe house, but if Danzo figures out where he is, the delivery is going to be the most vulnerable moment.”

“Agreed,” Tsunade whispered, barely a sound on her breath. In her mind’s eye, she could see it so clearly, how easy it would be to kill a weakened, exhausted mother and steal a newborn child with no defenses.

Sometimes, shinobi training provided her with far too many details and a far too realistic imagination.

Shizune looked up at Tsunade, tears in her eyes. “Gods above, Shishou. Sixteen. Sixteen years old. To be put through such a thing… It’s so _wrong_.”

Tsunade sat down on the bed next to her, wrapping her arms around her student and rocking her slightly. “I know. I know.”

Shizune shuddered, taking deep breaths as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “We have to help.”

“We will,” Tsunade agreed before she could even consider it, then felt ashamed at the surge of fear she felt. Blood may have terrified her…

...but how much more terrifying would it be to be in Hatake’s shoes? No family, limited support, and knowing a madman wanted his child?

That sent an icy needle through her stomach. Given what Danzo had been willing to do to acquire this child, what were his plans for it? Certainly nothing good.

And to be carrying the child of a dead loved one… Tsunade knew the fear of losing that connection all too intimately.

She squeezed Shizune tightly, then let go and stood. “Set the usual defenses.”

“Shishou?”

Tsunade began tying back her hair. “I need to go break something.”

~

It took almost forty minutes to reach a point in the forest with boulders large enough to be a challenge amid remnants of a truly impressive rock slide. The fury in her chest had been twisting and writhing the whole way.

Her first punch rendered the nearest boulder to gravel.

“How _dare_ he?!” she shrieked, shattering another boulder. “HOW DARE HE?!”

The fury raged through her, howling for vengeance. It was wrong, and awful, and a violation of all medical ethics as she knew them--

\--and part of her could only think, _that could have been my brother._

_“People say Omegas aren’t as strong, Tsunade-nee. That we don’t have what it takes to lead. Is it-- Do you think it’s true?”_

_“Nawaki, what makes Omegas different from other males?”_

_“We can give birth.”_

_“Do you think being able to give birth makes you stronger or weaker?”_

_“...I dunno.”_

_“Think about it. Who's the scariest person you know?”_

_“Grandmother Mito.”_

_“And she can give birth, right?” A sharp smile. “I’d love to see what she would do to someone who calls her weak.”_

_A bright grin. “You’re right! And you know what? I’m gonna be the first Omega Hokage, and I’m gonna be the_ best _one, too!”_

Tsunade returned to herself, standing in the decimated clearing. The boulders had been reduced to rubble, deep gouges dug into the woods in all directions, and her knuckles dripped blood. The clearing was now a outward, physical mark; a representation of her tattered and raging heart. She realized that her face was wet with tears.

Even if she hadn’t wanted to be, Tsunade realized that she was already invested. She couldn’t have stepped away from this situation if she had tried. She… she couldn’t let _another_ baby be lost. Not when she could stop it.

She took a deep breath, straightened her robes, and made her way back to the inn. There was work to be done.

~

_Hatake-san,_

_Sarutobi-sensei explained your situation to me. Rest assured that between myself and Kato Shizune, we will provide the appropriate medical care._

_I do need to start asking some questions about your current condition. Based on my information you are at week 7. Are you having any morning sickness (nausea or vomiting)? Have you had any food aversions or difficulty eating? Any dizzy spells or vertigo? Are you having any symptoms you are concerned about? I’ve attached a list of reputable books related to pregnancy that can provide you with more background information if you would like._

_I promise you, you are not alone here._

_Senju Tsunade_

_P.S. I’ve worked with pregnant shinobi before, and I know you’ll minimize and avoid telling me anything you think isn’t ‘critically’ important. Don’t. I’m your medic. I need all of the details, even if you think they’re irrelevant._

_~_

Tsunade dumped a massive stack of books onto the desk, making Shizune jump.

“Shishou?”

“I’m reviewing,” Tsunade replied simply, cracking open the first obstetrics book. “It’s been over twenty years since I delivered a baby, and given how much new research gets released yearly in the medical field, I’m not going to be helpful to Hatake unless I’m up to date.”

She looked up at Shizune, and blinked when she saw the happy smile on her student’s face. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Shizune waved off quickly, ducking her head as she reached for one of the books. “It’s just been awhile since I’ve seen you so focused, Shishou. It’s nice.”

Tsunade stared at her student, the last of her family, her daughter in all but name. Shizune had already pulled out her notebook and was jotting down notes from the text, apparently ignoring her, but definitely still aware that Tsunade was watching her closely, dumbfounded.

She looked down at the book. Thinking back over the past week… had she really only had one drink each night with dinner? And she hadn’t gambled at all?! Somehow she had been so focused on finding obstetrics books and checking her equipment that she hadn’t even thought about it.

And… she hadn’t woken up having to fight off that cloying darkness either. It still hovered on the edges of her vision, pressed on her lungs if she let it, but she wasn’t having to fight it off with the sharp tang of sake, the rush of the next dice roll. It was almost… unwelcome. Tsunade couldn’t remember the last time she hadn’t had to drown her every thought in liquor, and she felt unsettled, like a ship that had lost its mooring. What was she supposed to do when the demons she had spent her every waking moment fighting seemed to vanish?

It wasn’t that she was unfamiliar with the research on PTSD. She read almost every article that she found on the topic, just to stay caught up. But she had never made the attempt to apply it to herself. Perhaps she wasn’t too different from other shinobi in that regard. She had her good days and bad days, but having this many good days in a row seemed suspicious.

Could it really be related to how busy she was?

Staring at the texts in front of her, she thought back. When was the last time she had a definitive goal like this? Training Shizune, maybe, but that had been a little different as Shizune had grown older and had begun training herself in areas that Tsunade wasn’t a master in.

Tsunade filed all of those thoughts away for later consideration, and refocused on her reading. Now was not the time to indulge her personal problems. There was too much research left to do.

~

_Senju-san,_

_I appreciate your correspondence in this matter._

_I have been experiencing morning sickness regularly, but I am still able to eat afterwards. I am not having any dizzy spells. I have read through some of the titles you have provided, and I am having minor swelling in my ankles. I have noticed mild fatigue, but it is manageable._

_...Gai wishes me to inform you that I have also been having mild mood swings. They are manageable. That is everything._

_Hatake Kakashi_

_~_

“Alright, we’ll have to time everything precisely to make sure we have everything within two months of the due date,” Tsunade stated, cross-referencing her list.

Shizune glanced at the list and her eyebrows rose. “Are you sure that the sedative and the surgical tools are necessary, Shishou?”

Tsunade grimaced. Shizune was a very skilled healer, but her specialty and focus thus far had been in trauma care. She had never worked in a maternity ward.

“Not being in a hospital means that we’re going to be limited in our means, and Omega births are slightly riskier because the pelvic gap tends to be on the narrow side,” she explained, adding three different types of antibacterials to the list. “If we’re lucky, everything will go smoothly and it’ll be a normal birth. Realistically, there will probably be some minor complication we’ll have to deal with, such as helping the baby turn during birth or checking the umbilical cord.” Tsunade grimaced as she looked up. “If we’re unlucky, it’ll be a breech birth, or the umbilical cord will be wrapped around the neck, or the labor will go too long, or something else will go wrong, and we’ll have to do a C-section, outside of a hospital, with only chakra monitoring and the risk of Danzo finding out our location.”

Shizune had gone slightly pale, but she glanced at the list again. “...Do we have enough on the list?”

Tsunade smiled drily and pushed her long hair out of her face. “Again, most likely things will go smoothly, but I would rather have everything there and not need it than have something go wrong and not have it. _Assuming_ everything is covered can result in a mother going into early labor with twins at one in the morning while her husband is on a mission and the power is out at the hospital.”

“...That was very specific, Shishou.”

“I haven’t told you all of my stories yet,” Tsunade replied lightly, shooting Shizue a grin. The younger woman returned it and picked up her book again.

~

Tsunade knew that pacing wasn’t going to change anything, but now the stakes were higher. Shizune had gone to conduct the first check-up, and even though she could take care of herself, there was no guarantee that ROOT wasn’t watching.

Frustration and bitterness twisted in her stomach, souring her dinner. Sensei had said that he was taking care of the situation, and intellectually she knew that merely killing a Pillar of the Community would weaken Konoha before it could be strengthened, but the more she learned, the more Danzo desperately needed to die.

Tsunade had never really had enough patience for the long game.

The door opened, and Tsunade went on the alert, hackles already raised by her paranoia, only to slump with relief when Shizune walked in. Her hair had leaves stuck in it, and there were bags under her eyes, but her smile was warm. Tsunade raised an eyebrow questioningly, eying the corridor behind her apprentice warily.

“No problems, but I still took the roundabout route,” Shizune announced reassuringly, sitting down hard at the small table in the kitchenette. “I know there’s no guarantee, but I didn’t see or sense anyone following me.”

Tsunade personally saw that as a good indicator, since she knew just how good Shizune’s sensing and stealth capabilities were; but she did agree with a healthy, over the top sense of caution. “How did the check-up go?”

Shizune’s back automatically straightened and her tone became professional.

“Physically, Hatake-san is in very good health. Blood pressure and temperature were slightly elevated but within normal range, and we talked about appropriate diet and exercise. The fetus is developing normally, and I didn’t see anything to be concerned with.” She hesitated, the side of her mouth twisting. “Mentally, from reading through his old records, he seems to be at baseline, but I don’t know him well enough to say how stable that really is.”

Tsunade grimaced in agreement. With how much shinobi hated dealing with psychiatrists and the stigma that still existed around therapy, shinobi mental health was a massive pain in the ass. Tsunade ignored her usual headache about that issue and refocused on Shizune.

“We’ll both have to continue monitoring, and getting information from Maito-san. He’ll be our best point of comparison to how Hatake-san has changed over the years.” Tsunade also hoped that Maito would actually be forthcoming enough to be useful.

Shizune chewed her lip and crossed her arms. Tsunade sighed and rubbed her forehead. “We’ll just have to do our best with the situation. And definitely make sure Hatake has as many books and brochures as we can find on postpartum depression. Shinobi tend to be at higher risk anyway, and given the circumstances...”

“I’ll make sure to discuss it at the next check up,” Shizune agreed, jotting it down in her little notebook as she rubbed her forehead, absentmindedly mimicking her shishou.

Tsunade couldn’t have agreed more.

~

_Hatake-san,_

_I appreciate your openness in your correspondence. To answer your question, minor bleeding can be normal during pregnancy. If the bleeding gets heavier or if you start experiencing abdominal pain, contact me via the emergency system._

_Are you staying with your exercise regiment? I’m emphasizing this again because, from what I gather by talking to you, you like to push things. As long as you’re keeping to the regiment I sent to you, I promise that you will maintain your muscle mass. On that note, have you been able to make the alterations to your diet that Shizune explained?_

_We’ll talk again soon,_

_Senju Tsunade_

_~_

Tsunade held back a sigh as Shizune’s gaze dropped again. She had been doing that thing where she _looked_ at Tsunade when she thought the older woman wasn’t paying attention, holding back what she was saying and tapping her fingers nervously.

It was frustrating. Why couldn't people just talk about things bluntly?

She waited until the plates were taken way before looking Shizune in the eye.

“Alright, spit it out kiddo.”

“What?”

Tsunade lifted her eyebrow. Shizune blushed slightly and lowered her gaze to play with a napkin.

“I’ve just been thinking, Shishou… births involve blood.”

The Slug Sannin rocked back slightly and Shizune looked up again, her cheeks still red but her gaze firm. “Will you be alright with that?”

Tsunade looked away, unable to meet Shizune’s gaze. Somehow, she had gotten so caught up in diet and exercise and all the minutiae of the pregnancy that the details of the actual birth… well, they hadn’t slipped her mind, exactly, but they hadn’t been relevant either.

Her first reaction was fear. She could feel her hands grow clammy, her mouth dry out. The darkness that had lessened these last few months suddenly swept over her and mocked her, whispers of ‘ _coward_ ’ and ‘ _what kind of medic is afraid of blood?_ ’

She struggled to take a breath. _This will be different,_ she told herself. _I won’t be fighting to keep someone from dying a violent death. I’ll be bringing new life into the world. I can help this one where I couldn't save my own._

_This time, I won’t be helpless._

It shouldn’t have felt different, but it somehow made the darkness back off again. A slow exhale, and inhale again as she picked up her water glass.

“I may struggle, but I think I can manage it,” she stated, distantly amazed that her voice was’t shaking. She carefully set her glass on the table without breaking either. Under Shizune’s unconvinced stare, she wet her lips carefully. “Keep your ears open. If there’s someone who needs an emergency midwife, we can step in to help.”

As Shizune smiled, and said she would, Tsunade could only pray that she would be ready if it came.

~

_Senju-san,_

_Thank you for responding to my letter in a timely manner. I appreciate your response._

_I have noticed a significant increase in appetite lately. It is irritating. Your guidelines for managing this have been useful._

_I have been reading further on child development. Are there any techniques you suggest to increase cognitive development following birth?_

_Sincerely,_

_Hatake Kakashi_

~

Of course she had nightmares. Every shinobi did. She saw Nawaki’s body, Dan’s, fields of mutilated corpses from the second war, patients dead on the table, desperate to know why she had let them down, screaming that she had killed them…

And sometimes, she dreamed of bloodstained sheets and pain and the sheer grief that _their baby was gone, her baby,_ Dan’s _baby, was gone!_

She splashed water over her face, ignoring the strands of hair that clung to her forehead. She avoided her own eyes in the mirror.

Intellectually, she knew that her thought process was incredibly flawed. There was nothing she could have done to stop her own miscarriage. No jutsu could do that, no jutsu could even sense a miscarriage. She had worked with women who had miscarried before, and they were not at fault. Sometimes, shit happened and no one could do a damn thing.

Tsunade finally dug up the courage to look at herself in the mirror. Bleak, heartbroken eyes looked back.

She gave herself a sardonic smirk.

She also knew that knowing didn’t mean accepting.

~

_Hatake-san,_

_I’m glad you find the dietary advice useful. Just make certain you are eating enough -- you’re eating for two at the moment._

_Increased stimulation will help with cognitive development. What you want are things that are engaging to the senses, bright colors, interesting textures, toys that make noise. Additionally, constant interaction with the baby will help with development. Reading to it, talking to it, playing with it, things like that._

_Quite frankly, from talking to you I don’t think your child will have problems with cognitive development._

_Sincerely,_

_Senju Tsunade_

~

Tsunade grimaced as she read over the article. What idiot publisher had let this through? There were spelling errors in almost every paragraph!

“Why are people stupid?” she growled to herself, finally shoving the article away before it could give her a headache. Maybe it was time to stop for lunch…

The door flew open. “Shishou! There’s a woman going into labor and the usual midwife is sick with the flu!” Shizune’s eyes were shining with excitement as she grabbed her bag. “If we hurry, we can help deliver the baby!”

Tsunade sat, frozen, the familiar terror gripping her mind. What had she been _thinking_ , agreeing to this?! She was going to freeze up, she was going to endanger the mother and the child, oh kami no if the child died--

“Shishou?”

She blinked, and realized that Shizune was kneeling in front of her, eyes wide with worry. The younger woman took a deep breath. “Shishou, if you don’t feel ready, I can handle the birth myself.”

Tsunade smiled ruefully at Shizune’s compassion. Underneath the excitement, she could see the younger woman’s fear as well, since most of her obstetric knowledge was based only on books and studies. “If I wait until I’m ready, I’ll never be ready.” She carefully stood and picked up her bag before looking evenly at Shizune. “If I freeze, shove me out of the way if you have to. Your first priority is the mother and the baby.”

Shizune’s mouth twisted unhappily, but she nodded in agreement as they left the inn.

~

“Thank you, oh thank you!”

Tsunade tried not to blush as the new grandmother hugged her tightly. “Really, Shizune did most of the work, madam.”

“You did well, too,” Shizune murmured as she carefully wrapped up the ruined sheets. The smell of blood made Tsunade’s stomach turn--

\--and that was it. How could it do anything else when she could see the results in front of her? The mother holding her newest child, her face tear-stained and shining; and the father explaining to the other children how to hold the baby; and the baby herself, whole and healthy?

Gods, it was beautiful.

She could still feel a small twist of jealousy in her gut, but she had dealt with that for years. It was simply something she accepted.

Shizune sidled up to her, eyes warm and gentle as she wrapped an arm around her in a one-armed hug. “I knew you could do it, Shishou.”

Tsunade managed a breathless laugh. “I’m glad one of us did.”

Shizune tugged her out of the room, leaving the happy family with their newest daughter. In the other room a carafe of water and a platter of fruits and rice balls had been left out, and Tsunade was touched at the consideration of the family.

As they both ate, Shizune looked over at her with serious eyes. “How are you, really?”

Tsunade managed a wan smile. Perhaps another teacher would be offended with their student taking that kind of tone, but she just felt warm at the thought that Shizune cared. “Lightheaded and tired, but nothing worse.” She looked down at her hands, turning over the onigiri carefully. “This might have been good for me.”

Shizune didn’t respond, but smiled brightly as she sipped her water.

Tsunade took a bite and swallowed. “We’ll have our snack and then go back to do an initial check up and make sure there aren’t any health problems.”

~

_Senju-san,_

_I appreciate your words, but… I have concerns about connecting with the child. People have never been my strength._

_Hatake Kakashi_

_~_

_Hatake-san,_

_You seem to be able to express yourself to me without trouble, and according to Shizune you connected very well with Maito-san. One does not need to connect to every single person one meets in order to be a functional member of society. To be frank, by civilian standards of psychology, many shinobi would be considered criminally insane._

_I tell you this not to alarm you, but simply to emphasize that your definition of normal does not need to meet other definitions of normal. Nothing I have seen tells me that you are in any way murderous, psychotic, or possessing any other traits that would concern me in raising a child._

_Yes, you’re a bit awkward and shy, and you have limited experience in dealing with people in a variety of contexts. Part of this is your current situational factors, and part of this is the effect of being labeled a genius at such a young age. For most children, they are given time to explore how to act in social situations by developing interactions with peers. You had less of this opportunity, which is not your fault._

_It will take work, because being a parent is difficult, but I genuinely and truly believe that you can rise to the challenge._

_And if you ever have questions or concerns, I will always write back._

_Senju Tsunade_

_~_

_Senju-san,_

_Thank you._

_Hatake Kakashi_

~

Tsunade slowly sipped her tea and wished it was sake. Unfortunately, with the due date so close, Shizune would kill her if the call came and she was drunk.

And the thought of showing up drunk for Hatake, who at least trusted her in his letters, made her stomach curdle. She could have returned to Konoha before violating that trust.

On top of that, this town had several natural hot springs, which would have been fine, great even, except that it meant that the drinking water had a faint taste of sulfur.

So. Tea, and debating if she wanted to try her hand at one of those fancy new slot machines. She had to admit, the design was appealing and it wouldn’t require that she interact with anyone, unlike a card game.

“H-hime?!”

Tsunade froze. She would know that voice anywhere, even if she was drunk off her ass and under a genjutsu.

She slowly turned in her seat. A mountain of a man stood behind her. Long white hair, still in disarray no matter how much he had tried to tame it. Red markings on his face, remnants of a dying clan. A massive scroll was slung over his shoulder, and the smell of ink and paper followed him in a perpetual cloud.

“Hello, Jiraiya.”

The man just continued to stare at her, his jaw hanging open. Tsunade sighed internally and nudged the seat next to her. “Are you going to just stand there and stare?”

That snapped Jiraiya out of his shock, and he practically tackled her in her seat, arms wrapped around her tightly. Tsunade braced herself to shove him off and punch him, but then she realized he was shaking slightly.

“I’m so glad to see you’re okay,” he murmured, his voice just slightly unsteady.

Tsunade blinked, then felt ashamed. As far as Jiraiya was concerned, she had disappeared years ago without even leaving a letter. She hadn’t even responded to his letters, just asked Sarutobi-sensei to update Jiraiya periodically.

She wrapped her arms around him. “It’s good to see you, too.”

He held on for just a few moments more, then amazingly let go without even trying to cop a feel. Tsunade realized that she was smiling as he sat down.

“Are you returning to the Village from a mission?” she asked carefully, avoiding naming any names.

Jiraiya grimaced. “Only long enough to drop off my information and pick up some of my reference books. There’s been some weird shit starting to crop up.” He rubbed his eyes, and Tsunade realized that she could sense that his chakra was slightly depleted. Even though he was being vague, Tsunade had known Jiraiya long enough to notice that he was watching her.

_Probably trying to figure out if I’m curious._

“Best of luck,” she replied lightly, snagging her cup again.

Jiraiya’s eyes narrowed. _He must be tired if he’s not focused on breasts,_ Tsunade thought with an inappropriate level of amusement.

“Are… are you--”

“No.” Tsunade looked down at the counter, refusing to meet his eyes. “There’s nothing but death and pain for me if I stay in the Village, Jiraiya.”

“...Then why are you here?”

Tsunade looked up again with a raised brow. “Last I checked, we aren’t in the Village.”

Jiraiya returned her look coolly. “I have been keeping track of you, Hime, to help out Sarutobi-sensei.”

“I assumed as much.” She had. Even before, Jiraiya’s spy network hadn’t been anything to sneeze at, and now she could only imagine how far he had grown his connections.

Jiraiya crossed his arms. “This is the closest you’ve been to Konoha since you left. Not to mention you’re drinking tea.”

“What’s wrong with tea?”

“You hate tea.”

Tsunade pointedly took a sip. Jiraiya rolled his eyes. “You had an entire rant about how it’s just weak leaf juice and that the only point of drinking it was when you needed the caffeine.”

“So I’ve grown fonder of it. It happens.”

Jiraiya sighed, and suddenly looked very tired. “Tsunade. Is there a reason you’re here?”

Tsunade forced her body language to remain neutral. “Nothing in particular.”

“Is it something Sensei asked for?”

“Jiraiya, leave it alone.” She looked him in the eye, but couldn’t bring herself to be rude or make him go away. Not when she had missed him, missed the camaraderie and the kindness and… and even the stupid perviness.

She still had nightmares regularly, seeing Jiraiya and Orochimaru, slaughtered on the field of war, skin ripped and eyes dull and blood soaking the ground. Of course, now it was far more likely that they would be on opposite sides.

“Don’t bring it up again, and let’s just… have a nice night. Catch up.” She snagged the menu and pushed it towards him. “You might be an idiot, but you’re one of _my_ idiots, and I missed you. I’d rather talk than have to storm out.”

Jiraiya leaned back slightly, then took the menu with a small smile. “I’ll get to the bottom of it, but I’ll leave it alone for right now.”

“Fine,” Tsunade replied, glancing over the dishes. Katsudon sounded good, she could use a hearty dinner.

“I didn’t get to tell you! Icha-Icha hit the one million copies sold mark!”

Tsunade sighed, but still managed a smile. If Jiraiya was focused on his precious sex books, then he’d have forgotten about her reasons for being so close to Konoha within a couple of hours.

~

One week later, and Tsunade was berating her past self for forgetting how stupidly persistent Jiraiya could be.

“And you’re buying groceries, which means you aren’t anticipating leaving soon!”

“Will you go away?!” she hissed, grabbing a couple of boxes of mushrooms and throwing them in her basket.

Jiraiya stuck with her, although thankfully his voice was still low. “You haven’t stayed in a single place in Fire Country for this long in years! And I know you’re not back on the active lists, you were very clear about that--”

“Why are you so fucking persistent?!”

“It’s part of my job, and you’re my friend!”

Tsunade tossed a couple of bell peppers in her basket, irritated at the warm fuzzy feeling that came with that, the simple acknowledgement that Jiraiya didn’t loathe her, didn’t hate her for walking away when she just… couldn’t stay anymore. She couldn’t even be rude, because then he would just look at her sadly and resemble a kicked puppy and gods above, she thought her weakness to that look had passed after Shizune had gotten through her teen years!

“It’s not your business Jiraiya, really.”

“But I can help if you need it!”

“Not in this case. And no, it has nothing to do with my gambling, I am not one of the stupid heroines in one of those cliche detective stories,” she added quickly, brandishing a carrot at him.

Jiraiya actually paused. “You know, that set up would be fantastic for my next book!”

“Shishou!”

Tsunade’s head swiveled, automatically looking for the familiar source. Shizune was waving a piece of paper over her head, her face pale but her eyes serious.

“It’s time!”

_Shit_.

“Time for what?!”

Tsunade ground her teeth and then dropped her basket, leaving the produce next to the food stall. “You don’t have clearance!”

“I have the highest clearance!” Jiraiya protested, his eyes worried.

Tsunade opened her mouth to protest, then realized that she was considering it. They had no idea what ROOT knew, and she and Shizune would be occupied with Hatake in labor. Which would leave Maito as their only fighter.

“...Fine, we’ll explain on the way, but we have to go _now_!”

~

“Wait a second, let me make sure I have this straight. Danzo committed line theft, used preserved DNA from Uchiha Obito to impregnate Kakashi, and now the kid’s been in hiding for the past year and is gonna have to stay in hiding until Sensei gets rid of Danzo?!”

“That sums it up!”

Jiraiya swore ferociously as they ricocheted off the trees. Tsunade’s heart pounded, her mind racing through multiple factors. Did they have all of the supplies? Were they prepared for any complications? Were they being followed or tracked somehow?

Sage, please, please let Hatake be alright, let the _baby_ be alright. _Please._

“Why the fuck hasn’t Sensei killed him yet?”

“He’s trying to defuse Danzo’s deadman traps and make sure Danzo has no power before he dies,” Tsunade replied grimly. “So far he’s found two different traps where if Danzo dies suspiciously, they were in place to screw with Konoha’s infrastructure.”

“...Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with that man?”

“So. Many. Things.”

“STOP!”

Jiraiya and Tsunade both came to a halt behind Shizune as she began making the hand signs to let them through the protective jutsu barrier. As it became visible and opened, Jiraiya frowned. “It’s good, but it needs updating.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re here. And for fucks sake, _do not_ say that in front of Hatake, he’s paranoid enough as it is.”

Jiraiya managed a small smile as they took off again. “He always has been.”

Tsunade’s breath caught. She had forgotten, in the ruckus and stress, that Jiraiya would have known Hatake as Minato’s student.

As the house came into view, she hoped that she had made the right call bringing him.

Shizune used another jutsu key to open the door of the cottage.

“If you tell me to breathe _one more time_ , I swear I will _gut_ you with this kunai!”

Tsunade couldn’t hold back a soft snort. Despite the stressful situation, the sight of Hatake brandishing a, thankfully blunted, kunai at his friend was far too reminiscent of a situation she saw all too often in shinobi maternity wards.

Maito Gai’s face lit up. “Shizune-san! Senju-san! We are very glad for your hip and timely arrival!”

Hatake nodded in agreement, before his eye brushed over the third member of their group. “What is he doing here?!”

Tsunade kicked Jiraiya before he could open his mouth and say anything stupid, but Kakashi went pale and crumpled slightly, his arms wrapping around his large midsection. “You know what? Tell me later, I really don’t care right now.”

“Shizune, go set up the bed. Jiraiya, Maito-san, go check the perimeter and make sure everything looks secure.” She held up a hand to cut Maito off. “I’ll call you when we need you, but right now help Jiraiya.”

“Yosh, I will ensure the safety of this safe house with all of my youthful might!” He turned to Hatake and set a hand on his shoulder. “I will stand with you, my eternal rival. None will harm you or the child.”

Despite his clear exasperation, Tsunade saw Hatake’s relief at Maito’s declaration. Under the sparkles and the grin, she saw the shifting of something very dangerous and knew why the man had made jounin.

After all, every jounin had that inherent darkness, that vicious, more violent side that allowed them to do their jobs without hesitation. Just because it was less obvious in some didn't mean it was absent, and Tsunade found herself relaxing, knowing that Maito was going to be guarding them throughout the ordeal.

As the others sped off to their tasks, Tsunade walked to the young man’s side and looped his arm through hers. “Right now we’ll keep walking, that can help move things along.”

He nodded as he grabbed her hand, and Tsunade very suddenly realized how incredibly young he looked. He had lowered his mask before they had arrived, and he seemed small for his age, even though she could feel the muscle and scars beneath her touch.

“You can squeeze as hard as you need to when a contraction hits, you can’t hurt me,” she added, giving his hand an encouraging squeeze as she spoke. The teen nodded, not quite meeting her eyes. Now that he wasn’t being distracted by Maito, she wondered what was going through his head.

“How are you doing?” Simple, simple was always best to start.

“I’m fine.”

Tsunade halted, making Hatake stop with her. He looked up at her, eye carefully blank.

She raised her eyebrow. “Do you remember the first letter I wrote to you?” She nodded towards the noise that Maito and Jiraiya were making outside. “You can tell everyone else what you want. I don’t care. But I’m your medic, and I can’t do my job unless you’re honest with me. I know it’s not easy, but that’s what I need so that I can help you as much as possible.”

A bit of color rose on Hatake’s cheeks as they began walking again. “So, how are you really doing?” she asked again, watching his face carefully.

Hatake licked his lips as he looked down. “...Scared,” he muttered, as though the word was being pulled from him.

Tsunade felt sympathy twist in her stomach, and squeezed his hand again. “That’s about normal,” she replied dryly. At Hatake’s surprised look, she couldn’t hold back a soft chuckle. “Kid, even people who have been planning pregnancy and feel fully prepared are nervous. Childbirth isn’t easy, and there’s going to be some pretty significant changes in your life now. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t thinking about that.” She leaned a little closer. “That’s why I’m here. You’re going to get through this, and you’ve got all of us on your side. I know it feels like a lot, but you’re not alone, Hatake.”

Hatake swallowed hard, glancing down before looking back up at her. “You, um… can call me Kakashi. Since you’re delivering my baby and all,” he muttered, a slight flush rising on his cheeks even as he held her gaze.

Tsunade smiled warmly, steering them into a turn. “Then call me Tsunade. That seems only fair.”

Kakashi swallowed but managed a small smile before he hissed in pain, gripping Tsunade’s hand hard enough that it actually hurt a little bit. She squeezed back, applying counter pressure for him.

“Ugh… I hope this goes fast,” he muttered.

“Don’t jinx it,” she murmured back. “Now, when was the last time you ate and used the bathroom?”

~

Four hours later, Kakashi was still pacing slowly, partially curled around his midsection. Tsunade had helped him change into a robe, and Shizune had piled a truly ridiculous amount of towels on and around the bed.

Maito was walking with Kakashi, babbling about teaching the baby taijutsu when it was old enough. Jiraiya had been commanded to stay outside the room -- Kakashi had clearly been uncomfortable with so many people around him in such a vulnerable state.

“Shouldn’t I be in labor by now?” Kakashi asked, the size of his pupil the only hint that he was stressed.

“There’s not really any way to guarantee the timing,” Tsunade explained, again. Part of her was getting irritated, but the rest of her focused on the fact that Kakashi was young and had no experience with labor at all. “Babies like to come at their own pace, and if you try to rush it you’ll just hurt yourself.”

Kakashi let out a frustrated breath. “Are there any jutsus that could help?”

Tsunade shook her head. “A couple have been developed over the years, but I’m sure as hell not recommending them. They make labor faster, but there have been enough documented cases to show that they’ll mess with the baby’s chakra system. The best we can do is monitor and make sure everything is progressing smoothly.”

Kakashi went a couple of shades paler as he hunched again, breathing through another contraction. “No jutsus, got it,” he rasped out.

Shizune caught his side and wrapped an arm around him to support him while she pushed a glass of water into his hands. “Drink it slowly. The last thing we need is for you to get dehydrated.”

Tsunade glanced at the clock and gave an internal sigh. She had a feeling this was not going to be fast.

~

Five hours later, and Shizune grimaced as she measured. “Four centimeters.”

Kakashi closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as though biting back curses as Shizune moved back from between his legs. Maito rubbed slow circles on his upper back, worry obvious in his large eyes.

Tsunade ran a hand through her hair, trying to hide any apprehension she was feeling. Things were running long, but Kakashi was young and it was his first pregnancy. First pregnancies did usually go longer.

They still had plenty of time before they needed to start worrying.

There was a soft knock at the door. “Hime? Kakashi-kun? I made tea.”

Tsunade glanced at Kakashi, who grimaced, shrugged, and pulled the sheet over his lap and tugged his robe a little closer around himself. “Bring it in,” she replied.

Shizune opened the door and Jiraiya carefully carried in a tray with four mismatched mugs, three with dark black tea and one with sweetened chamomile tea. Kakashi glared at it as Jiraiya handed it to him

“Sorry, kiddo, I know you don’t like sweet things but I figured you could use the fuel,” Jiraiya explained, dark eyes surprisingly gentle.

Kakashi rolled his eyes as he took a big sip. “Not a kid.”

“Please, I have stories from when you were a genin and on a genin team. I have so much blackmail.”

Kakashi flipped off the Toad Sannin, and Tsunade realized that she was chuckling at Maito and Jiraiya’s overly dramatic protests. As Kakashi turned to poke more at Maito, Jiraiya actually caught her eye and winked.

_Goofy old fool,_ she thought fondly.

“Should I get out, or can I hang out in here for awhile?” Jiraiya asked.

Kakashi stiffened slightly. Tsunade stepped forward to drag Jiraiya out bodily if she needed to, but then the silver-haired teen spoke again.

“Sure.”

Jiraiya smiled and reached out to give Kakashi’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. That single supportive gesture seemed to help Kakashi relax even as he winced and curled over another contraction. Jiraiya waited for it to pass, then grinned. “Good, because I know you have excellent taste in literature, and I wanted to run some of my newest ideas past one of my best fans!”

Tsunade groaned, and saw Shizune facepalm as Maito muttered ‘how un-youthful!’

But Kakashi was smiling, and that was the important part.

~

Five hours later, and well past the point where they had kicked Jiraiya out, Kakashi had given up on holding curses in.

“Shit-headed, idiotic, inbred, urine-drinking, cactus-fucking, son of a two-bit whore!”

Shizune wiped the sweat from his brow as Tsunade stood up from measuring the cervix. Which was still only seven centimeters.

“Not bad, but you need more rhythm when you cuss,” she replied dryly, hoping to get his mind off the contractions.

Judging from the glare he shot her, it wasn’t completely successful. She changed tactics.

“Larger babies are usually healthier, even if it does make the delivery harder.”

“Great, so I can thank Obito’s enormous fucking skull for this,” Kakashi growled, leaning back to rest on the pile of pillows for a moment. “Stupid, ego-inflated, Uchiha heads!”

Maito grimaced as Kakashi squeezed his hand, before glancing at Tsunade. “Is this typical?”

“The cursing? Yes. I had one kunoichi with twins who swore the entire hour and a half of active labor between the first baby and the second one without repeating a single curse. It was damn impressive.”

Kakashi chuckled, then groaned as the contractions started up again.

~

Two hours later, and Tsunade was starting to get concerned.

“You still aren’t fully dilated.”

Kakashi blinked exhaustedly. By now it was the middle of the night, and Tsunade could see the toll the long labor was taking on all of them. Maito and Shizune were both starting to look tired, but Kakashi… Kakashi was getting worn out.

She sighed and sat down. “Kakashi, if you don’t fully dilate soon, we’re going to have to decide if we switch to a C-section.”

Kakashi’s eye widened. Tsunade grimaced. “It’s not ideal, but Shizune and I have all of the supplies if we need to do that. We can put you under--”

“No.”

Tsunade blinked at the interruption. Kakashi was fully focused on her now, his eye intense. “Don’t put me under.”

“If we switch to C-section, we’re going to have to.”

Kakashi shook his head stubbornly. Tsunade crossed her arms and bit her lip. It wasn’t exactly a stretch of the imagination to guess why Kakashi didn’t want to be put under anaesthesia, between what Sensei had told them and what Shizune had said about their check-ups, but there was no way she'd allow him to undergo C-section while still conscious. She shook her head.

“We’ve got time before we need to decide,” she finally stated.

Kakashi nodded gratefully, and Tsunade hoped they wouldn’t have to make that decision.

~

An hour and a half later, and she had her answer.

“You’re fully dilated!”

Shizune’s exclamation was met with a sigh of relief. Tsunade looked up at Kakashi, her mouth drawn into a tight line. “Alright, put everything you’ve got into the next few contractions, it’s time.”

Kakashi was pale and damp with sweat, but nodded as he squeezed Maito’s hand. He took a slow breath. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Tsunade kept her own breathing steady. She could smell blood in the air, but she was far too focused, far too anchored, to worry about that now.

Kakashi cried out, and she could see the crown. “Like that!”

“I’m trying!” Kakashi yelled again, face twisted in agony.

“You’re so close, you’re doing so well…” Shizune murmured soothingly.

“Yosh, you will soon be done, my rival!” Maito encouraged.

Tsunade leaned around to look Kakashi in the eye. She didn’t say anything, but let Kakashi see her own determination.

Kakashi’s body language focused. He screamed with effort and fury and pain--

\--and Tsunade’s hands were suddenly full with a warm, wet weight as a smaller cry joined the din.

Kakashi slumped back, Maito catching him as he blinked dazedly. Shizune came down to where Tsunade was, a pair of scissors sealed in a sterile bag. She carefully clipped the umbilical cord of the infant Tsunade was holding, smiling up at her shishou with pride. Shizune began to work with the afterbirth and cleaning up Kakashi, and Tsunade slowly stood, heedless of the fluids that were staining her clothes.

She looked up at Kakashi, whose eye was focused and questioning.

“Congratulations. It’s a boy.”

She carefully stepped around so that Kakashi could clearly see his son. The baby was on the larger side, with all ten fingers and toes and a tuft of silver hair flattened to his skull.

He was absolutely beautiful.

Kakashi stared, before slowly reaching up and pushing off his hitai-ate. Tsunade couldn’t have stopped her smile if she tried as she made her way to the supplies set up on the nightstand. “I’m just going to clean him off and wrap him up, then I’ll hand him to you.”

The new mother just seemed to be at a loss, unable to look away from the baby. As Tsunade cleaned the baby, ignoring his weak cries for the moment, she took a couple of quick measurements. Everything looked normal, healthy height, healthy weight, no significant discolorations or unusual features, before she turned, cradling the newborn carefully. Kakashi’s eyes were wide, but worried.

“...I don’t know how to hold him.” His voice sounded numb, as though he was too tired to feel sad.

Tsunade leaned forward and pressed the baby forward in a careful transfer. “The biggest thing is to make sure the head, neck, and spine are all aligned,” she instructed gently, passing the baby before he could protest.

Kakashi’s eyes were huge, the fear starting to return until he looked down. The baby had stopped yelling and was now making quiet noises of comfort, practically cuddling into Kakashi as well as a newborn could.

The fear dissipated as Kakashi carefully shifted his arms. “Hi,” he finally murmured, his free hand unconsciously coming up to brush back the baby’s hair. “I know you don’t know me yet, but… I love you, okay? I’ve got you.” He hesitated, the leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his baby’s forehead.

Tsunade looked away to give Kakashi the illusion of privacy. She could see the tears gathering in Shizune’s eyes, rolling down Maito’s cheek as he flushed with the effort to not yell with enthusiasm.

She glanced back up again, busying herself with picking up a couple of the dirty towels from the nightstand. Kakashi’s shoulders had relaxed slightly, exhaustion back in every line of his body, and yet he also seemed content to just look at his son.

“You need a name sooner or later,” Kakashi murmured, a smile tugging up the corner of his mouth. “How about Hatake Kouichi? I liked that one.”

Amazingly, the baby’s eyes blinked open blearily. Kakashi stiffened, and Tsunade’s eyebrows flew up.

Well, that erased some of the doubts about the father.

“Red eyes are normal for Uchiha newborns,” she spoke up quickly, before Kakashi could panic. She knew that he had read enough maternity books to know that newborns didn’t typically have red eyes. “I’ve delivered them before. Since they all have the potential to develop the Sharingan, there’s more blood vessels in Uchiha eyes, and there isn’t enough time for the melanin to set before birth. His eyes should be blue by the end of the week.”

Kakashi slumped with relief, careful to not jostle the baby. “Oh. Alright. That’s normal. Good.” He released a slow breath before looking up at Tsunade. “He’s so… small.”

Tsunade looked over both of them. Kakashi, exhausted but bright with some inner light. Kouichi, born and safe against the odds.  

“He’s healthy, and protected,” she reminded him.

Kakashi smiled at that, the worry still in his eyes, but eased for now as he held his son close. Maito was trying to control his sniffles, and Tsunade could practically see how hard he was trying to hold back any exclamations.

“Kakashi, he is beautiful!” he finally managed, just barely keeping his voice below a shout. He pulled out a small camera. “May I take a photo to commemorate this momentous occasion?”

Tsunade leaned over to Shizune as Kakashi mock-wearily agreed to the photo, though she could see the fond smile on his face. “I’m going to step outside for a moment,” she murmured, leaving the situation in Shizune’s capable hands before slipping out into the corridor.

Jiraiya shot up from where he had been sitting, hair in wild disarray. “Is he--”

“Kakashi is fine. So is the baby.” She smiled softly at Jiraiya’s stunned expression. “They’re both recovering, so wait a few minutes and then you can go knock. Try not to spook either of them,” she added dryly.

Jiraiya nodded, happiness filling his expression before he quickly wrapped his arms around her. “Nice work, Hime,” he muttered roughly, before pulling back and walking down the hall.

Tsunade stood, frozen for a moment, before she made her way to the front door. Jiraiya had told her that for years, anytime she had learned a new skill or had saved a life at the hospital.

It had been so long since she had heard that.

The night air was cool as she exited the safe house, and she wrapped her arms around herself before she looked up. Out here, far away from any Village, the sky was clearer, the stars brighter. She normally avoided looking at the sky, the memories of star-gazing with Nawaki and Dan and her team too painful, but tonight…

Tonight the memories felt softer, kinder.

In her heart, Tsunade had always wondered if her loved ones had hated her for throwing away everything, that her drifting and drinking and gambling was her punishment and her penance both.

Now though, with the stars bright overhead and the warmth of a new family, endangered and small as it was, Tsunade wondered if it was time to move forward.

She turned and re-entered the cottage. There was still work to be done.

**Author's Note:**

> So you know when you’re writing and you have an idea in mind for how certain scenes will go and then the character you’re writing goes ‘nope!’ and sends you off in a completely different direction then you were expecting? 
> 
> Yeah, that’s what happened with Tsunade in this fic.
> 
> We hope you guys are enjoying this wild ride!


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